Please, Don't Leave Me
by Michele aka AML
Summary: Angel’s finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured. C/A
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Please, Don't Leave Me 

**Rating: **PG-13

**Author:** Michele           

**E-mail:** WP82787@aol.com

**Summary:** Angel's finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured. 

**Spoilers: **'To Shanshu In L.A.'

**Couples:** Cordelia/Angel, Wesley/Cordelia friendship.  
**Feedback:** Yes please! Much needed!  
**Disclaimer:** Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*      

**Author's Notes: **This is a future fic. Cordy has already been to her ascension and back. Angel doesn't realize (yet) that he loves her but Cordy does with him. It's just Angel, Cordy (she never became part demon in '_Birthday_'), and Wesley (yes, he's back and forgiven). Oh and the flashback was taken from the last bit of the episode 'To Shanshu In L.A.'

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**Chapter One**

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_"So, what do you think?"_ spoke a man. He stood next to a woman who was much of his equal appearance. They both stood in a place that radiated with white light almost hard to see in. In front of them was a type of orb, making able to them to see what went on in what they called the 'lower dimension'.  They talked amongst themselves discussing a very important matter. 

_"I say it is a good idea. He needs to assimilate where he belongs and why she is important to him."_

_"But he has no idea what is to be bestowed upon him. He will carry a great burden if he fails."_

_"Yes that is true. But if he does not achieve this test then we will never know if his fulfillment shall take its toll." _The woman sighed but continued.

_"He will experience obstacles that his pass will bring forth but he must learn to keep his ground. It will be a test not just of the mind and spirit but of the heart and where *it* lies."_

The woman sighed again. She knew that this would be one of the greatest missions that their champion would have to face. But it will be for his own good and the good of his seer. Consequences would be drastic if failed and she just prayed that he would not be blinded by the ardor of his pass. 

With one last breath taken and speaking in unison, they recited a passage that was to make it so.  

_"By the powers vested in us, we bestow the humanity of a lost soul and that he shall become what he once was."_ They stood there and continued to look downward at their warrior. 

_"So when does it take affect?"_ spoke the man with anticipation.

_"He will soon feel the result in do time." _

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Angel jolted upright in his bed. He suddenly had the needed urge to take deep gasping breaths. He looked at the clock beside him. It read 9:00am. He was up early. Cordelia and Wesley never came in until 11. So, he decided to just get up since he was already awake. He walked into his bathroom passing a mirror. He never used it (of course being a vampire and all) but when Cordelia came over she was *always* in front of it. 

He passed the mirror then stopped. He walked back and passed it again. Did he just see his reflection? He did it one more time then stopped completely! He halted in front of the mirror and there was where he saw it. His face. Two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth and…his hair? 

Did his hair actually look like that every day? He shook his head. Wait? Wasn't he…dead? He looked at his face again and noticed that he had color. He touched his face and it felt warm.

"What the hell?" Angel rushed over to phone and dialed a number.

************************

Cordelia was awakened by the sound of a phone ringing. 

Was that *her* phone? And why was it so damn loud? 

She hazily opened her eyes and nearly fell out of her bed at the sound of the ringing *right* in her face. Dennis had 'graciously' brought her the phone.

"Damnit Dennis! It's too early for this." She sat up hitting her head against the headboard. After cursing it she groggily answered the phone.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Whoa there grouchy! Do you always answer the phone like that?"

"Oh hey Angel. Sorry, I just got a rude awaking by a very loud telephone in my face and I just hit my head on my headboard. It's not my best morning…so, what's up?"

"I need you to get down here." Cordelia was all of a sudden wide-awake now and full of concern.

"What Angel? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Just get here." Before Cordelia said anymore the line went dead.

"Angel? Angel!" Cordelia sighed and turned off her cordless phone. She was confused. She stared at the phone. 

"Demanding much?" She sighed. What could be so important? She got up, took a shower, got dressed, and was out the door. She just had to see what was so vital.

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Cordelia arrived at the hotel just as Wesley was getting there. He looked just as surprised and baffled as she. She looked at him and all he did was shake his head knowing just what she was asking. 

They both entered the hotel but didn't see any sight of Angel. They searched and searched but couldn't find him anywhere. 

"Well what the hell? He said he would be here." Cordelia was getting frustrated. She didn't have time to play hide and seek with a vampire who she thought could be in a lot of trouble. 

"When I find him…" She searched one more place and to her surprise and fear she found him, in the courtyard. He was standing there, arms open wide and looking up at the sky. 

What was he doing? She ran to him trying desperately to pull him inside.

"Wesley! I found him! He's in the…*courtyard*!" She turned back to Angel trying to get him away from the sun until realization kicked her in the head. Boy she couldn't be any stupider could she?

"Angel, what…?" He turned to her and had one of his famous smiles on his face. You know the ones that always made her weak in knees? Yeah, that's the one.

Wesley came running into the garden and saw him there. Horror covered his face completely as he saw Angel standing out in the middle of *day* without burning up. He eagerly tried to catch his breath.

"What…in heaven's…name…is going on?"

"I did it. I finally reached my shanshu." Angel engulfed Cordelia in a hug that had her taken aback.

She was overcome by so many questions she couldn't think straight. How? When? Why? She couldn't believe it. It actually happened. Angel is officially human again. She was so happy. Now he could do all the things he's been waiting to do. 

But then it hit her. She stopped smiling as a sense of unhappiness rushed over her like a gust of wind. The one thing they had all been waiting for was now actually happening and she wouldn't even be apart of it. Angel let her go and she pasted a smile on her face. Wesley, now calm and breathing, broke the stagnant silence.

"Well, this is extraordinary news. Why don't we go inside and talk about this."

The three of them went back inside to sit down and look over their situation. They went into Wesley's office. Sitting at his desk he looked at various books. Angel sat on the desk as he continued to place Cordelia's hand over his 'now beating' heart.

"Can you feel it? Isn't it amazing Cordy?" 

All she could do was smile and nod. He seemed so happy and yet she was trying so hard to fight down the tears that forced their way to surface. She was truly happy for him but knew that once he realized it, he would return to 'her', his 'destiny' as he so calls it. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, his one and *only* love. 

She and Buffy never really got along. When they were in high school she always had that feeling like she never really belonged to their little Scooby gang. She hated to admit it but she always knew that she could never live up to Buffy's expectations. She knew that Buffy was the slayer and all but did anyone ever applaud at the good deeds she did? What about the lives she saved or the people she saw as she took hold of their pain and agony and held them on her own shoulders? Did anyone ever think of that? 

Of course not.

It was like this when she was with Xander. He always had his attention to Buffy and barely on her. Buffy this…Buffy that. And it looked like Buffy won again.

She had never imagined what Angel reaching his shanshu would be like. They hadn't talked much about it on occasion. She remembered when they first discussed the topic.

**~Flashback ('To Shanshu In L.A.')~**   

"Ah - oops. I may have made a tiny mistake. The word Shanshu that I said meant you were going to die?  Actually I think it means that you are going to live." Wesley said double-checking his books. 

"Okay, as tiny mistakes go…that's not one!" exclaimed Cordelia. Wesley continued. 

"Shanshu has roots in so many different languages.  The most ancient source is the Proto-Bantu and they consider life and death the same thing, part of a cycle, only a thing that's not alive never dies.  It's…it's saying that you get to live until you die. It's saying…it's saying you become human." 

  "That's the prophecy?" 

"Ah, the vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, wills Shanshu.  Become human. It's his reward." 

"Wow.  Angel a human." Cordelia said excitedly. 

"That'll be nice." Said Angel. Cordelia was a little skeptical though.

  "Wait.  What's that thing about him having to fulfill his destiny first?"  

"Well, it's saying that it won't happen tomorrow or the next day.  He has to survive the coming darkness, the apocalyptic battles, a few plagues, and some - uh, several, - not that many - fiends that will be unleashed." Said Wesley closing the book and finishing off the prophecy. Angel didn't sound too convinced.

"So don't break out the champagne just yet."  

"Yeah, break out the champagne, Pinocchio.  This is a big deal!" protested Cordelia. Angel smiled at her.

"I guess it is." 

"Typical.  I hook up with the only person in history who ever came to LA to get older." Cordelia rolled her eyes and left for the kitchen.

**~End Of Flashback~**

Wesley's researching brought her back from her thoughts.

"It seems that Angel has truly reached his shanshu. But what has me flummoxed is what destiny did he fulfill?" Angel let go of Cordelia's hand, much to her disappointment, and stood behind Wesley.

"Well, could it have been the long years of helping the helpless? Or, how I tried to save Darla? Or, it could be because I put a stop to Wolfram and Hart. Or what about me saving Cordelia from her dimension?" 

"I don't know but this is all so sudden. Maybe you should go take a trip to the Powers That Be and…"

"Why? It has to be one of those solutions. That's probably it. I'm just glad that it's finally happening."

"I guess your right."  Wesley was still a little skeptical that his shanshu would come all of a sudden without warning. He decided to look more into it later.

Angel stopped and thought for a while as realization settled in. He had been so busy celebrating that he had forgotten the main reason why he wanted to shanshu so badly. He was waiting for this for years and now he could finally go back to her. He could finally give the woman of his destiny what she needed. He could finally go back to Sunnydale. He could finally go back to Buffy. He turned back to Cordelia and Wesley and smiled.

Cordelia looked at him and her smile faded. He had finally figured it out, the one thing that she had been afraid of since this morning had finally come. He had finally realized that he could go back and be with Buffy. Although he hadn't said it yet she could see it in his eyes. She wanted to cry. She wanted to curl up in a corner and drown out the rest of the world because she now knew that nothing else mattered to her anymore. She knew that although he hadn't said a word his eyes told her everything. 

As he spoke the words she had been dreading her world came crashing down on her. The moment of truth had at last come.

"I can go back. I've been waiting for this moment and now I don't have anything to hold me back." Wesley was stumped but Cordelia knew exactly what he was talking about.

"What are you talking about? Go back where?"

"I can finally go back and be with Buffy."

"Oh, well do you think maybe…"  

"Yeah!" Angel and Wesley both turned to Cordelia who was now sitting in a chair head hanging. Her hair covered her dark, moist, hazel eyes so they couldn't see the tears streaming down her face. She spoke softly almost inaudible to the human ear.

"You can finally go back to Buffy. Isn't that what you wanted to do once this happened? Isn't she your *destiny*? I bet she's waiting for you to come back…and be with her. So…you should go back to her." She spoke the last part, her voice cracking. 

She had to leave she couldn't let them see her break like this. She got up from her seat and started to leave when she was pulled into a hug. 

Angel wrapped his arms gently around her. She was surprised by this gesture and struggled to get away from his grasp afraid she was going to break down right then and there. Tears threatened to spill as he stroked her hair softly and kissed the top of her hair. 

She couldn't take it. The things he was doing to her had her head spinning and she couldn't think. How could he have such a hold on her like this? He pulled away from her, again to her disappointment but a little in relief.

"You guys have been so much support on my part. With this thing that has happened to us…just…just think of it as a start of a new future for us all. " Angel turned back to Cordelia and gave her a warm smile. 

"Cordy, I bet now that with me being human there won't be any need for the visions so now you can do what you've always dreamed of. Acting, right?" All she could do was nod. Sure she would probably lose the visions now that there was no need for them but she couldn't help but think of her life without him.

"And Wesley you can go back to England and be a watcher again right?"

"Perhaps yes, but I think…I think I might stick around here for a while longer." Wesley knew that he still had a lot to atone for back in England. He rather stay where he was for the moment. 

Pure silence filled the room and they could feel the tension growing as they sat drowned in their own thoughts. Wesley spoke, breaking the unbearable stillness.

"When will you be leaving?" Angel hadn't thought of when he wanted to leave but thought that it be best if he left tonight.

"I want to leave tonight, to surprise Buffy."

"She'll be surprised all right." Wesley took of his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

Angel proceeded to plan for his departure although he wasn't getting much attention. Cordelia, off in her own thoughts, was hearing nothing of what he was saying and same as for Wesley. With a heavy sigh Angel got up and left. 

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The day went by neither talking to one another. 

Angel stayed in his room and continued to get ready. He thought constantly on whether leaving his *only* family was a good idea. He never really belonged in Buffy's world. How would she react? What would she say? What would the Scoobies say? It would feel rather strange coming back to a place where he was never really wanted. But he needed her. She was his soul mate and he was meant to be with her. 

He just continued packing discarding the thought. 

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In his office, Wesley kept to the books. He knew there had to be some sudden change or reason why Angel would just get his humanity so suddenly. Every now and then he would drift into his own thoughts. Thinking of how it would be without their faithful warrior to back them up. What would they do without him? What would become of the business? Would they even need it anymore? These were questions he wondered if Angel ever even questioned himself about. He again took off his glasses as the stress began to build higher. He could feel himself developing one of those migraines that Cordelia endured when hit by a vision. 

Poor Cordelia, he wondered what she was feeling.

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Cordelia sat in the kitchen curled on a chair. She sipped some coffee as her mind went ballistic, swirling with thoughts. It was all happening so fast. She didn't understand how come he had to leave so *soon*. She slammed the cup down almost spilling its contents. How could he be so superficial? He has so much here and he is leaving it behind just because of *one* girl. She couldn't bear to think of how L.A. would be without him. But she did know how she would be without him. 

Lifeless.  

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He said he would leave most of his possessions so they could either keep it or sale it, which ever. They had gotten the hint that he probably wouldn't be coming back. 

They all waited at the door having nothing left to say to each other. He was making such a big decision in such a little amount of time. They didn't even have time to think it over. He hugged Wesley showing him his affection toward the former watcher and wishing him luck. Then he hugged Cordelia. 

"I'm going to miss you so much. You have been there for me and I thank you for everything that you have showed me. If there is anything I can do for you…just name it." 

Cordelia held on to him fear of letting go. She wanted so much to tell him that she loved him and that going back to Buffy was a big mistake. But she knew that she couldn't hold on to something that wasn't hers. So she let go asking just one favor. She whispered softly and speaking from the bottom of her heart hoping he would get the message.

"You said you would do anything for me. Then please…all I ask…is one favor…" She hesitated but with a shaky voice and a strong heart, she pleaded.

"Please, Don't Leave Me!" 

She held onto him for what seemed like eternity wishing she could stay like that. But as soon as it came it went and he pulled away. Not looking into her eyes afraid of what he might find. He answered her only request.

"Cordelia…I care about you so much and you have been my best friend for the past few years. But you know how much I've wanted this and how much this means to me. Buffy needs me and…and I need her." He let go of her and with one last goodbye left the hotel. 

She just stood there, too numb to move, and stared at where his figure last stood. What about her? Didn't she need him? Did that matter at all to him? 

He was actually gone. When she finally heard his car leave she let the tears that she had been holding back finally fall. She fell to her knees crying uncontrollably. Wesley held her as she continued to cry in his chest. He tried to soothe her with soft words of comfort but knew that there was no cure for a broken heart.

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Angel drove into the night. The sky was starless and the air was bitter and cold. His head was clouded with unthinkable thoughts. Things he has waited so long to do. He turned on the radio hoping it would help clear his head. When he turned it on it was on a station that Cordelia liked to listen to many a times when they drove together. 

He thought of her and how horrible her singing was as she tried to sing the words. It brought a smile to his face. She had grown physically, emotionally, and most of all mentally. She was great warrior and she would be happy finally being able to live her dreams. 

But something in his gut told him he was wrong. Something told him that he should go back because she needed him. 

Nah! She didn't need him. She was strong and he had taught her all she needed to know. She would be fine without him. 

But…what about him? Would he be okay without her? 

He finally reached his destination reading the sign as he entered, 'Welcome to Sunnydale, Enjoy your stay'. 

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Angel parked his car outside of Buffy's house and sat there. For the first time in all his 250 plus years he was actually scared. He knew this was right. He had been dreaming of this moment for years and now that he was finally getting to live he didn't feel as psyched as he had hoped. 

He hesitantly walked to her front door and with a shaky hand knocked on her door. He could hear Buffy's voice from inside and it sent shivers down his spine. The footsteps stopped and the door opened. 

A stunned blonde haired blue-eyed girl stood at the figure before her.

"Oh My God."

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OK! What did you think? Remember this is my first time so cut me some slack. I hope to get more up. But for right now that's all my brain could function with schoolwork and everything. Oh and I'm so thankful to my beta reader, Corinne. Thanks so much for your advice and suggestions! Well send me feedback and tell me how ya liked it. K? Peaceout! Love Ya! ~Michelle~


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Please, Don't Leave Me 

**Rating: **PG-13

**Author:** Michele           

**E-mail:** WP82787@aol.com

**Author's Notes: **Xander and Anya are back together. Spike and Buffy, of course are together and Tara is still dead. *sniff*

**Summary:** Angel's finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured.

**Spoilers: **'Pangs', most of Season 7, so far, of BTVS and most of Season 3 of Angel. 

**Couples:** Cordelia/Angel, Angel/Buffy friendship, Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya.  
**Feedback:** Yes please! Much needed!  
**Disclaimer:** Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*      

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**Chapter Two**

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_"What is he doing? It's not supposed to occur this way. Why is he being so stubborn?" _the man said firmly. He was ashamed at the warrior before them. 

_"He needs time. We must make him see that he is nothing without her."_

_"What do you propose we do?"_

_"I would hate to do this but this is the only way he will see that she needs him."_

_"And that is…?"_ There was a brief pause, like she was afraid to answer that simple question. With a sigh she answered it.

_"Send her a vision." _

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Wesley made some tea for him and Cordelia after she had stopped crying and calmed down.  He hated to see her like this. She had explained to him everything. How she felt about him. How she wished he would notice her in many other ways then one. How she could never live up to Buffy's expectations. 

She was in love with Angel and he was too blind to see it. 

Too blinded by the things of his past to see his future sitting right in front of him. The list went on and on and he could tell Cordelia loved him. She would do anything for him. Hell, she would die for him. 

It broke his heart to see her in such a state. He set the tea down, along with some tissue, and sat across from her. She looked like a wreck. Her eyes were red and puffy from her continuous crying. Her make-up was smeared, running freely down her beautiful face. 

"How are you feeling Cordelia?" She looked at him and accepted the tea thankfully. She could barely speak. Her voice was cracked and dry from crying. 

"Like someone drove a knife through my heart." 

That's how she felt, pretty much basic and to the *point*, literally. 

"Why didn't you tell him you loved him?"

"He just looked so happy that he could finally return to Buffy. I didn't want to hurt him." 

"Yes but you wind up hurting yourself."

"Yeah well, that's the price you pay when you're in love. God…I must look like a raccoon." She wiped the excess mascara off her face. She got up to check herself in a mirror but remembered that she was still at the hotel.

"Dammit! I forgot I was at the hotel and…Angel doesn't…have…mirrors…" She fell to the ground crying again. She couldn't handle this. She was falling apart over a *man*. She didn't even cry this much when she broke up with Xander. God, she felt like a child who had lost her mom. 

This had to stop. She was strong. It would take her a while to get over it but she did it before she could do it again. She wouldn't fall apart over something so stupid. She couldn't and she wouldn't. 

She then clutched her head as she felt a sudden flash of pain and collapsed to the floor. She was being hit by a vision. But, she thought that she wouldn't get them anymore? She tried to focus on the images as she drifted back and forth in consciousness. This couldn't be happening, not now.

Wesley ran to her side and grasped her until the vision passed. She clung to him fighting the pain and wishing it was Angel that held her. She had stopped her sobbing and Wesley helped her to a chair and brought her some water, a napkin and a pen. She took the objects thankfully and jotted down the required information. Wesley gathered needed weapons from the weapons cabinet.

"I thought you wouldn't get the visions once he reached his shanshu? I knew there was something wrong about this…"

"Yeah well…4623 53rd Ave…I guess the Powers had something else in mind." She clutched her throbbing head.

"I got the information. It at: 4623 53rd Ave. A family is being attacked by some ugly fire demon."

 "Should I call Angel and…"

"No…I mean…I imagine he just got to Sunnydale. Lets not…worry him. I'll go with you…and help you out."

"But Cordy…"

"No buts Wes. I'm coming. You need all the help you can get. And this demon doesn't look like a friend you want to tango with." She gathered some weapons as well. She was glad Angel had helped her with her fighting techniques because it looked like they would come in handy. 

Wesley sighed not fully certain that it was such a good idea that she accompanies him in her state. She was weak and her mind wasn't fully focused. But he knew not to question Cordelia. They left the hotel, him not speaking another word on the matter. 

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Buffy stood shocked at the person standing before her. She couldn't believe it. Was she dreaming? Why was he here? She shook her head, noticing she was being rude, and stepped aside welcoming him in. 

Angel stepped inside and looked around. It hadn't changed much. But then again he was gone for a while. He looked toward the kitchen and saw the Scoobies sitting at the table. Their expressions were filled with bewilderment and shock. He noticed there was a different face among them. Then there was Spike. What was he doing here? He cast aside the thought and waved a 'Hi' to them. He turned back to Buffy and saw the expression on her face.

"Sorry to barge in like this…"

"No, No! It's ok. It's just a surprise. I didn't…expect to see you here with you know or last…encounter. What brings you here?"

 "Well, it's kinda a long story. Can we sit down and I'll explain?" Angel ran a shaky hand through his gelled spiky hair. 

"Sure." They sat down on the living room sofa away from everyone else.

"Why is Spike sitting in your kitchen?"

"Um…well ya see…he…it's a long story. Why don't we hear *yours* first." She flashed him a nervous smile and looked down at her hands that were in her lap. She was really skeptical at why he was here all of a sudden. Also he really wouldn't like the fact that she was now with Spike. Boy was he in for a surprise.

He began to explain to Buffy about what had happened. He told her he still had feelings for her and that she was the first thing he wanted when he got back his humanity. He explained to her about the prophecy and what had caused this to happen. 

"So…that's pretty much it. And now I'm here."

"So you mean…you can go out in broad daylight? You don't have to drink…blood anymore?" Angel nodded. "This…this is wonderful Angel…" 

She was stunned and excited all at the same time. She hugged him tightly which he welcomed happily. He pulled away from her and eyed her suspiciously. 

"So…what's this about you having Spike in your home? And who is the new female face?" Buffy again became nervous but not about introducing him to Dawn but how he would react about Spike. She shifted nervously in her seat and spoke hesitantly.

"Um…well he's actually good now, first he was *fixed* by my ex-boyfriend's commando buddies. You remember Riley right?" Angel was silent. If he were still a vampire he would have growled. "Of course you remember him. Yeah and um…now he kinda…has his soul back.

"What?!"

"I'll explain later but now he helps us with the baddies and stuff so…he's kinda…an ally." Angel was still silent. He didn't like the fact that his grandchilde was a welcome 'friend' to the gang. He just let it go and decided if best to change the subject before his inner anger surfaced, Angelus or no Angelus.

"Ok…well, what about the girl?"

"Oh…yeah well, why don't you come in and meet her and I imagine the rest of the gang would be glad to see you…" 

'Well, almost all of them.' She was talking about Spike. She knew he wouldn't be to giddy either about Angel being here. She just thought to play it cool and deal with the *other* problems later.

Angel and Buffy walked into the kitchen and all 10 eyes were on him. He felt really uncomfortable about this whole thing. He knew there were some things said and things done that haven't been made up for since he was here. Buffy saw his nervousness and gently placed a hand on his arm. He turned to her and she smiled. She turned back to the gang to introduce their surprise guest.

"Hey guys, look who's here." Angel smiled lightly.

"Hey." A tall girl about 19 years of age came up to him. She had fully grown into a young adult. She had long brown hair and eyes like Buffy's. She eyed him up and down.

"So, this was your first boyfriend, huh Buffy? He's a Hottie!"

"Dawn!"

"It's ok Buffy. So…Dawn…I'm very flattered you find me attractive. I'm Angel and it's very nice to meet you." He held out his hand and she took it happily. 

"Same here! I'm Buffy's sister…I know…weird huh? It's kinda a long story." She turned back to Buffy.

"I don't know why you left him for Smmpfh…" Buffy slapped her hand on her mouth. Buffy really hated her sister's timing sometimes.

"Ha ha! Don't listen to her. She can be a little motor mouth some…OW!" Dawn had bit her hand. Dawn went to sit back down next to Spike.

"No I'm not, retard!" Angel chuckled. He looked over the room and saw the others. Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn and Spike in that order, were sitting around the table. Willow was the first to get up to greet Angel. He had heard about her girlfriend and showed his deepest sympathy.

"Hey Willow. I heard about your girlfriend and I wanted to say I'm deeply sorry for your loss." Willow gave him a sad smile but a smile nonetheless.

"Hey Angel, It's been a while huh? Thanks, I'm really ok. I'm taking it day by day and getting over it." Angel hugged Willow and then the Wicca sat back down. It was nice to see Willow again. She was really a sweet person. 

Now it was Anya's turn. The once onetime vengeance demon got up leaving a very irritated Zeppo behind. She spoke in a high squeaky voice much to Angel's dislike.

"Hi Angel! Remember me? It was that time that you came during Thanksgiving but didn't want Buffy to know because you were trying to protect her from those freaky evil Indian spirits and you helped us defeat them and…" 

"Anya! I think he gets the point." Buffy groaned. Angel just gave her a slight smile and nodded his head.

"Yeah well, Xander isn't too happy to see you but he'll get over it." Anya went back to sit next to Xander. He angrily beamed at her and she looked back at him with a 'What?' facial expression. 

He didn't even bother to look at Spike. He didn't know why all of a sudden he was part of a team that excluded him when he was around much less except Spike. He just ignored him and sat down in a near by chair.

Spike eyed this grandsire with much questioning. There was something very different about him and he was eager to find out what it was. He pulled out a smoke and lit it. Dawn sitting next to him eyed the cigarette with great annoyance and took it away from him. 

"What have I told you? Second hand smoke…?" Dawn threw the cigarette away and Spike put his lighter away.

"Yes mummy." Dawn rolled her eyes.

Angel explained why he was there and everyone was astounded. Spike couldn't believe it. He knew there was something different about him…he was human. 

Damn you, Angel. 

Angel was always one step ahead of him in everything.

Willow hugged him and as did Anya. Dawn stood before him and again looked him up and down.

"So your officially human?" Angel nodded. "Cool can I date you then?"

"Dawn!" Buffy hid her head in her hands and groaned. She was seriously losing it. Between her and Anya… 

"What? Geez, it was just a question." Dawn sat down again and Spike patted her on the back. Angel chuckled and continued to explain why he was there.

"So, I came back because I wanted to be…"

"He wanted to help us again." Buffy finished for him. She knew that if that they knew the real purpose he was here all hell would break loose. Angel raised an eyebrow at her wondering why she didn't want everyone to know why he was really there.

They all caught up on everything. The Scoobies explained what happened with Willow and her dark magic mojo and how she got better with the help of Giles. Anya talked about her postponed wedding and how she went back to being a vengeance demon. They talked about Spike getting his soul back, which Angel still couldn't believe. They talked about Buffy being a counselor at the rebuilt Sunnydale High thanks to Xander. And they also talked about what Dawn was and why she is now Buffy's little sis, which then led to Buffy's death. 

Angel talked about Angel Investigations and his mission. He talked about the Powers and again about the prophecy. He talked about Darla and his miracle son Connor. He talked about Wesley and his betrayal in dealing with his son. He talked about Fred and Gunn. 

But mostly he talked about Cordelia, which was only noticed by Willow. He talked about how she had grown as a person and the things she's achieved. He talked about how she's his, or was, his seer. He talked about how she ascended to a higher realm and came back brighter then ever. He talked about so many things involving her you'd think he was telling her biography.

"She's an amazing woman. If you guys saw her, you wouldn't even recognize her."

"Yeah, she'd probably be even more of a bitch then when she was here." Xander made the cruel remark and laughed at it. Willow jabbed him in his ribs but that wasn't enough. Angel jolted from his seat and grabbed him by the throat. Although he wasn't a vampire anymore he sure as hell wasn't afraid to snap his measly little neck.  

"If I ever hear you talk about Cordy like that again I will permanently make your body the size of your dick. And I *don't* mean big."

"Angel…ok…that's…ENOUGH!" Buffy pulled Angel off of Xander and sat him down. Xander massaged his neck and eyed Angel. "Xander apologize to Angel and Angel to Xander."

"No…"

"Xander?" He sighed.

"Yeah whatever sorry."

"Angel?"

"What?"

"Angel?" 

Angel apologized as well but not regretting what he had said about Xander's body and meaning it. No one talks about his Cordy and gets away with it.

Buffy knew it was getting late so she suggested everyone go home. But Spike wasn't about to go without an explanation. He pulled Buffy aside and talked so no one could hear.

"What the hell is going on Slayer? Why is the poof really back?" Buffy sighed. She couldn't tell him just now, she had to wait for the right time.

"I can't tell you now. But believe me when I say I will. Now go home, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow." She brushed a light kiss on his lips that Spike, as always, deepened. His kisses always left her dizzy and wanting more. She had never experienced anything like them, not even with Angel. He left the house and Willow came up to Buffy. She talked so no one could hear them. 

"Buffy, this isn't a good idea. Angel thinks he's coming back to where he left off. Things have changed…A LOT…and you need to tell him." 

"Also…he may be here in flesh but his heart and mind are still in L.A. He still is attached to his life there and most of all to Cordelia." Buffy's head shot up and she looked at her best friend puzzled.

"What do you mean?"

"Buffy…Angel may not realize it, but he is in love with Cordelia. Did you see the way he talked about her and defended her? He was, I guess, to blinded by the fact that he thought you were his one and only and I hate to break it to you but you aren't. He has developed and holds a strong bond with Cordelia and I think that not even the love you had for him can break it." 

Buffy sighed. She knew Willow was right. She couldn't hide anything from him and she had to remember things weren't the way they once were. She was with Spike and had a lot of responsibilities to care for. She looked at him talking to Dawn. What they had was in the past and they both had changed. She knew what she had to do but not tonight. She would tell him tomorrow.

Buffy suggested that Angel stay the night there and take the guestroom. They all said their goodnights and Angel settled down in his room. It was a little too girly for his taking but he would deal.

He looked around and found that it was nice. The walls were white and only did a few paintings cover the bare walls. The paintings must have come from the gallery where Joyce used to work. He got a little emotional at the thought of the wonderful woman. He didn't know her very well but what he did know about her he liked. 

He continued to roam around the room. The furniture was a good quality in wood and gave a little color to the room. He put his bags down and sat on the bed. The bed was done in nice cotton white sheets. He laid down head plopping on the pillow. He didn't even bother to remove his trench coat. The one that Cordelia always said made him look sexy and mysterious. 

Sexy?

He closed his eyes but for some reason he couldn't get to sleep. He kept thinking of what he had left behind and every time, his mind drifted back to the one person he missed the most. Cordelia.

******************************************************************

Sorry that was so short. It's my first time remember? I gave a brief description of the episode Pangs and talked a little bit Season 5, Season 7 on BTVS, and Season 3 on Angel. Thanks again Corinne to your suggestions! Well, hope you liked it. Don't forget to read and review. Thanks! Love Ya! ~Michele~ 


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Please, Don't Leave Me 

**Rating: **PG-13

**Author:** Michele           

**E-mail:** WP82787@aol.com

**Summary:** Angel's finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured.

**Couples:** Cordelia/Angel, Angel/Buffy friendship, Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya.  
**Feedback:** Yes please! Much needed!

**Disclaimer:** Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*      

******************************************************************

**Chapter Three**

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_"You know…I'm actually glad we have at least one intelligent person down in that world." _

_"Yes, Willow is quite ahead of her time."_ Said the woman, complimenting her on her high intelligence.

_"How come we didn't make her a warrior?"_ the woman ignored his incompetent question.

_"Hopefully this will be the direction he needs to actually realize his purpose."_

_"Lets hope so."_

******************************************************************

Cordelia and Wesley arrived at the place in her vision. It was a dark and dingy house. It had looked like it had caught on fire. The windows had been shattered and there were no lights. It was covered in ashes and all, they guessed, the families' belongings had been destroyed. It was a disaster. They just hoped the people were okay. 

They quietly walked around the house searching for clues or the demon that did this. They had their flashlights as their guide and weapons at their side prepared for anything. Well, so they thought. Right as they entered one of the rooms a brown, scaly, 6-foot creature appeared and rammed into Cordelia knocking her to the far corner of the room. The creature had 2 horns on his head and a very long nose. He had long arms and fingers with nails that could slash a person to pieces.

"Cordelia!" Wesley screamed in concern. 

The demon pinned her to the floor and began to attack. Wesley, concerned and very pissed off, jumped on the demon and began to punch it with full force. The demon threw him across the room like he was a fly on a horse. Cordelia struggled with demon trying to keep the upper hand. She pulled out one of the knives tucked away in her coat and stabbed the demon long enough to escape. She rushed over to Wesley who was groaning and trying to stand. 

Cordelia noticed a family of four huddle in a near by corner. Scared, they huddled together the mother, father, a boy and a little girl. They were covered in ashes and trembling. She made eye contact with the little girl. All she saw was fear, true fear in the dark green eyes of that helpless little girl. She looked no more then maybe 4 years old. Cordelia turned back to Wesley.

"Wesley, go and get that family to safety. I'll deal with this demon bastard."

"But…"

"Again with the questioning…JUST DO IT!" Wesley warned her to be careful and ran to the family.

"Hello. I'm Wesley Wyndham Price and I'm from Angel Investigations. I'm here to help you so, lets get you guys to safety." Wesley took one more last look at Cordelia fighting the demon, trying to keep her ground, and then escorted the family safely out the building and called the police. The family thanked him but then the little girl tugged on his shirt. Wesley looked down at her and was taken aback by the concern and moistness in her eyes.

"What about that lady?" Wesley was so involved in the family that he had forgotten about Cordelia. He just hoped he wasn't too late. He ran back into the ash filed air of the house and called out to her.

"Cordelia! Cordy! Cor…" He stopped dead in his tracks at what he saw. The demon lay lifeless on the ground covered it's own green blood, a gash deeply driven in it's chest. But what he saw next ripped his heart into pieces.

Cordelia lay only a few feet away, unconscious, swimming in a pool of her own red blood mixed with the green blood of the demon. Wesley ran to her side and gasped at the condition she was in. She was covered in bruises and gashes all over her body with one deep slash going across her stomach. The wound was red, swollen, very deep and bleeding, *heavily*. Wesley pulled off his jacket to apply pressure to the wound.

He knew that she needed to get to a hospital and soon. 

************************

Wesley burst through the double doors of a hospital carrying Cordelia's unconscious body in his arms.

"I need assistance right away!" a couple of nurses dressed in their white attire attended to the former watcher. They placed Cordelia on a stretcher bed and wheeled her into the O.R. with Wesley by her side. When they reached the operating room they worked furiously attaching I.V's to her and trying to stop the internal bleeding.

"What happened?"

"She was attacked by some type of creature." Wesley lied hoping that was enough.

"Is she allergic to any medication? Is she on any medication or drugs?"

"No, no she's clean. What…what is her condition?"

"We don't know but we need you to please wait outside while we do our job."

"Is she…?"

"Sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave." One of the nurses attempted to push Wesley away as the doctors worked furiously on Cordelia.

"But…"

"Sir, I know your concerned about your friend but the doctors need to do their job and they can't with you interfering." Wesley sighed and allowed the nurse to direct him to the waiting room.

"Please wait here and we will be with you as soon as we're done." The nurse hurried back to the operating room and Wesley sat with his head in his hands. He just hoped that Cordelia would pull through. 

Wesley paced back and forth in the waiting room not caring the stares he received. He knew he had to do something. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the number of the person who needed to be here the most. 

************************

It was 4 in the morning. Dawn trudged down the stairs at the sound of her phone ringing. Who in the hell would be calling at this hour? She answered the phone in a *very* groggy voice.

"Hello?"

_"Yes, I'm terribly sorry for calling so late…"_

"You mean early? It's 4:00am…"

_"Yes…well, I know but I have very urgent news for Angel. Is he there?"_

"Yup, but he's sleeping right now. Something you should be doing. Call back when it's a little later."

_"Yes I know but I must…"_ Dawn hung up the phone not wanting to talk to that weirdo again. No more then 15 seconds later the phone rang again. This time Buffy, Willow and Angel had arrived downstairs and Buffy answered the phone.

 "Hello…Wesley? What are you doing? Do you know what time it is?"

_"Yes I do and I'm so sorry but I have really important news for Angel. Cordelia is in the hospital and he must get here…NOW!_"

"Oh My God! Is she ok? Yeah he's here, let me get him." Buffy covered the receiver with her hand and told Angel the news.

"Angel, Its Wesley. He says Cordelia is in the hospital."

"What?!" Angel took the phone from Buffy.

"What the hell are you talking about Wes? …What? …When did this happen? …Why didn't you call me sooner? …Yeah…ok…I'm on my way." Angel put the phone back on the base and turned to the three girls.

"It seems Wesley tried calling before but someone hung up on him." They all turned to Dawn and she gave them a nervous smile.

"Sorry! I thought he was selling something or a stalker or whatever." Buffy shook her head. Her and Dawn needed to have a talk later. 

"I need to leave now. I can't wait any longer. She needs me."

"Well, what happened?" asked a very concerned Willow.

"See, we thought that once I reached my shanshu that she wouldn't get the visions anymore but after I left she was hit by one. She went to help Wesley and was attacked by the demon. Wesley says he doesn't know what type of demon it was but it slashed her in the stomach. He says the wound is pretty deep and that she won't stop bleeding." Angel sat down on a chair and threw his head into his hands. 

"Oh god, why didn't I just stay with them. I knew she needed me somehow. How could I have been so stupid?" Buffy put a reassuring hand on his back.

"It's not your fault Angel. It just happened. I know Cordelia will pull through. She's a tough girl and she won't go down without a fight." Angel lifted his head and Buffy smiled at him.

"I hope your right." Buffy looked at Willow and she nodded. It was time to tell him the truth.

"Angel, I've gotta talk to you." Willow pulled Dawn back upstairs to give them their privacy. But of course Dawn resisted.

"No…wait…I want to hear this. Willow…come on…"

Angel chuckled and Buffy rolled her eyes. "Cute sister."

"You have *no* idea."

"So what do you need to talk to me about?" Buffy sighed and looked down. She had to do this.

"Angel, I know you came back to be with me because of our past. But notice that it's our *past*. We have been through so much together and you have showed me so much." Buffy took a hold of Angel's hands and looked up into his eyes.

"I love you and you will always have a special place in my heart but we are two different people now. We have both grown and live in different worlds. You have Cordelia and I…I have Spike."

"Spike? What does he…no…way?" Angel began to laugh. Buffy gave him a serious look.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry…it's just…Spike? You could have a least…stuck with Riley." Buffy lowered her head feeling a tad of embarrassment. Angel stopped laughing.

"I'm sorry Buffy. Spike really is important to you isn't he?" Buffy nodded.

"Well, then I'm very happy for you."

"Do you mean it?"  
"Entirely." Buffy smiled at him but soon remembered their situation.

"I know this must be a lot for you right now. I'm sorry about Cordelia. You need to go to her and tell her how you feel." Angel shot his head up.

"What do you mean?"

"Angel, I saw how you defended her against Xander and how every time you talked about her you lit up. You love her and right now she needs you." 

Angel stopped and thought about it for a while. He did miss her greatly and every time he mentioned her name or just even thought about her he got shivers all through his body. She was a very important part of his life and right now even with Buffy sitting right in front of him, he still felt an emptiness that only Cordelia could fill. He then remembered how she begged him to stay and the way she had said it. 

From her heart.

She loved him too and he was too blind to see it. Now it might be too late. He needed to get to her. He needed her to know just how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. He was so worried about his past when he couldn't see his future that was right in from of him no more then hours ago. Buffy's soft voice brought him back to reality.

"Angel, go to her. Tell her you love her before it's too late."

"I will. I need her and right now she needs me." Angel stood and ran upstairs to get his belongings but Buffy stopped him.

"We're going with you." Angel gave her a warm smile and went to get his things.

No more then an hour later Willow, Dawn, Buffy, Spike, Xander, Anya, and Angel all piled up in his car and were headed for L.A. 

************************   

Wesley, still pacing back and forth in the waiting room, waited eagerly for Angel to get there. He hadn't heard anything about Cordelia and it was already 2 hours since he had brought her in. Just then 7 people burst through the double doors of the hospital.

"Where is she? How is she?" Angel rushed over to Wesley and demanded answers.

"Wes! Where the hell is she?" Wesley lowered his head not wanting to see his eyes as he told him the news.

"I don't know. I brought her in here *2 hours ago* and I haven't heard anything." Angel let go of the watcher and stumbled to a near by seat. He felt like his knees were going to give out on him any moment. He dropped his head in his hands.

"I love her, Wes. I love her and she may die on me." Angel cried quietly in his hands and Willow wrapped her arms around him. 

Buffy stood, in the arms of Spike, looking at Angel. She had never really seen him cry before. He must really love her. She looked up at Spike with a loving look and he looked down at her.

"What's wrong luv?"

"Nothing. Remember how I told you that I would explain to you what was going on?" Spike nodded. "Well, the reason Angel really came back was because he still had feelings for me." 

He knew Angel was up to something. 

"Yeah well, that's the poof for ya. Always thinkin about himself." Buffy slapped him in the arm.

"OW! I was just bloody kidding." Buffy rested her head on Spike's chest.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I was with you and that what we had was in the past."

"Damned right." Buffy shook her head and continued to watch Angel and the rest of the gang. Just then a doctor came in to bring the news to them. Angel got up at the sight of the doctor.

"How is she doctor?"

"Are you here for Ms. Cordelia Chase?" They all nodded.

"I'm Dr. Robert Anderson. I was the one that operated on her. It seems that Ms. Chase has developed a case of seizures followed by continues rises in body temperature. She has multiple cuts and bruises and has a pair of broken ribs. Our main concern was the gash on her stomach. She lost a lot of blood from that wound and had to have at least 30 stitches. I don't know what attacked her but whatever it was activated the temperatures in her body to become hotter with each seizure she has. She is in stable condition right now but is in a coma and we don't know when she will come out. If we don't find a cure for her soon…I'm sadly to say that…she might die." Dr Anderson hated to bring news like this to people. But it was his job.

"Can we see her?" asked a very concerned Willow.

"Yes, but only briefly. She needs her rest. And one at a time." Dr. Anderson led them to her room. 

"I must warn you though you may not recognize her for she's lost a lot of blood and a lot of color to her body. She's very fragile and she is very pale looking. You have 20 minutes. Is either one of you related to her? I need someone to fill out some papers for Ms. Chase." Wesley spoke up knowing he knew enough about Cordelia to fill them out.

"I will. I'm a…distant…cousin." The doctor eyed him but decided not to bother.

"Ok…then. Follow me please." With that the doctor left them followed by Wesley. 

Dawn was the first to go in.

"Hey Cordelia. This is Dawn, Buffy's little sister. I don't know you all that well but I hope to get to know you. So, come back to us. Angel really needs you."  

Anya was next.

"Wow Cordelia, you don't look so good. Sorry! I just don't understand these kinds of things. First Joyce then Buffy and now you. All I know is that you're needed here in this world so you need to come back to it." 

Spike was next.

"Hey there luv. I hear you're in love with the poof. Yeah well, you'd probably laugh if you heard the slayer and I were an item. I'm a good guy now. Yep, got my soul back. It's not the greatest bloody thing in the world but I deal. But, ya know you laying here isn't helping. The poof really needs you and there are people who actually care about you. So bring your pretty little ass back to us, ya hear?"

Xander was next.

"Hey Cor. I know we didn't really get along a lot in high school and then we had that fling and then I betrayed you with Willow and then we went back to bickering…but the truth is…I miss you. I really do and to see you laying here breaks my heart. You need to come back to us. Dead boy really loves you. Hell, he almost killed me because I said…never mind that's not important. But you do need to come back to us. Your needed here."

Willow was next.

"Hey Cordy. Wow it's been almost 4 years since I last saw you. I know we weren't all that close in high school and then we lost touch in college but you have to know that you're still a good friend to me. You should have seen the way Angel talked about you when he was in Sunnydale. Wouldn't shut up. He loves you so much. He needs you and so you need to tally on back. We miss you and you will be my friend no matter what happens."

Wesley had come back from filling out her papers and was next.

"My dearest Cordelia. I am truly sorry for not helping you out with that demon. I was so caught up in that family…but that's no excuse for me being so irresponsible. I should have been there fighting that demon. I should be there lying in that bed. You were so weak and yet so brave. You are truly an extraordinary woman. You have doe so much and have made everyone proud. *I'm* very proud of you Cordelia Chase. But now you need to return to us. You are desperately needed here. Nothing will ever be the same without you. You have your whole life ahead of you so you must return. For our sake and the sake of Angel. He needs you."

Buffy was next.

"Hey Cordelia. It's been like forever. I miss you greatly although we didn't along much. Angel says you've grown in many more ways then one. You should be very proud of yourself. You know…I hate to admit it but I've always been kinda envious of you. Weird huh? Just because I'm the Slayer doesn't mean anything. What I wouldn't have given to be normal just like you. You had money, guys, nice clothes and two parents. I know you said that they didn't love you but I don't believe that. You're a very special person and I bet they would be proud of you right now. I sure am. You've done more then what I could ever have done. Yeah I've saved the world and died for it but that's nothing. You sacrificed your dreams and a normal life to help the helpless. You took on a responsibility that no slayer could handle. Cordelia Chase, you truly are a champion. Now you need to come back and keep doing what you do best."

Last but not least, Angel. Everyone else had gone back into the waiting room. It was just him and her.

He looked down at his seer. Her face was colorless and didn't give off the brightness that he once saw. She was really skinny from the loss of blood and pale. She had bruises on both eyes and a cut on her lower lip. 

He sat down in a chair next to her bedside and grasped one of her hands in his own. He placed a soft kiss on her pale lips.

"Hey Princess. God, where do I start? Well first let me say that I am *so* sorry. I was being selfish and not thinking about you or Wesley. I realize that now. But you can't leave me. I need you Cordy. You mean so much to me. You have made me what I am today. You have showed me so much and have sacrificed everything to be by my side. You never let me give up and now I won't let you give up. I'm here and I love you. Yeah that's right. Cordelia Chase, I'm in love with you. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I tried to bring back the past and I couldn't. Buffy's now with Spike and I want to be with you. But I need you to come back to me. Doyle left me and now all I have is you. I can't bear to sit here and watch you like this. Please Cordy…I love you."

************************  

Buffy, Spike, Xander, Anya, and Dawn waited silently. Wesley and Willow had gone to the Hyperion to research on what they knew about the demon that attacked Cordelia. 

"Do you think she'll make it?" asked a concerned Dawn.

"I don't know. Hopefully Wesley and Willow can find a cure to help her." Buffy said reassuringly. But she herself didn't know if Cordelia would pull through. She just hoped that whatever Angel was telling her was getting through.

Wesley and Willow had finally returned with the information just as Angel descended from Cordelia's room.

"Where did you guys go?" Wesley and Willow tried to catch their breaths. Wesley finally spoke up.

"We…went back to the hotel…to research on what we knew…about the demon."

"Well? What did you get?" Willow sat down and handed Angel a picture of the demon that attacked Cordelia.

"He's called an Ukobach. He's a demon that is known for controlling hell's fire. He possesses the power to call upon the fires of hell and can destroy anything. The effect he has on humans is that he has razor sharp claws that with one scratch the person loose all control over his or her body temperatures. And that's what makes them go in to uncontrollable seizures. As the seizures endure, the body breaks into multiple fevers and in the end burns the body from the inside. It's a very painful death." 

"Did it say if there was a cure?" Willow lowered her head and gave him no answer. Angel took hold of her shoulders lightly shaking her but Willow didn't look at him.

"Willow? Is. There. A. Cure?" asked Angel carefully enunciating hoping there was. Willow slowly shook her head and Angel's heart totally stopped beating.

"No Angel…there isn't. We looked everywhere but couldn't find one. The person usually just dies…of body over heating." Angel tore up the paper that he was holding of the picture of the demon and sank into one of the chairs. He felt like his whole heart was being ripped away from his body. 

Dammit. 

If he would have just seen what was coming. Because of his blindness and stupidity, the love of his life was in a hospital bed, slipping away and there was nothing he could do about it. 

******************************************************************

Yeah Dr. Anderson was my imagination again. I'm starting to get teary-eyed. I don't like sad stories but I thought it would be a new challenge for myself. Well, I don't really have much to say. Oh, again thank you Corinne. Your advice and suggestions were so helpful! Well, tell me what ya think. Peaceout! ~Michele~


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Please, Don't Leave Me 

**Rating: **PG-13

**Author:** Michele           

**E-mail:** WP82787@aol.com

**Summary:** Angel's finally reached his Shanshu and rushes back to Buffy. Wesley and Cordelia continue the business when they get a case and Cordelia is deathly injured. **Warning: Character death.**

**Couples:** Cordelia/Angel, Angel/Buffy friendship, Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, and Fred/Gunn, Dawn/Connor implied.  
**Feedback:** Yes please! Much needed!  
**Disclaimer:** Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*     

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**Chapter Four**

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_"Is it time?"_ asked the man.

_"Yes, it is. He has failed the test and his consequences will be the effect of his foolishness."_

_"So he looses everything then?"_

_"I'm afraid so. He has proved that he is not ready to take on the responsibility of his humanity. He has a lot to learn from this experience."_

Again with that saidand speaking in unison, they recited a passage that was to make it so.

_"By the powers vested in us, we return the lost soul to the being that he once was."___

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Angel suddenly jolted up feeling as the life was being sucked out of him. Like the air was being sucked right from his body. He gasped for his last breath and breathed no more. Everyone ran to his side to see what was wrong. Buffy placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Angel what happened?" Angel clenched his chest where his heart beat. Or used to beat? What the hell happened? His heart was no longer beating. This couldn't be happening. His shanshu was supposed to be permanent. Angel ran to the desk clerk.

"Excuse me miss but you wouldn't happen to have a mirror would you?"

"Sure." She handed him the mirror and he brought it up to his face. 

No reflection. 

He was a vampire again. A lifeless being with only a soul to keep him from being *completely* dead. The desk clerk saw his expression and became concerned.

"Is everything alright sir?" Angel kindly gave the mirror back to her and reassured her that he was fine. He trudged back to his seat. Buffy asked him again what had happened.

"I'm a vampire again."

"What?! But how?"

"I don't know. I just felt this sudden shock and then it felt like the life was being sucked out of me. And it *did*. It was like someone just stuck their hand in my lungs and sucked the air out." 

He didn't understand what was going on. Why would the Powers give him his humanity and then take it back?

"Maybe it's about time you went and saw the Powers." Suggested Wesley.

"Yeah I guess but I first want to see Cordelia again." Angel proceeded to her room and saw that she still lay unconscious in her bed. It had already been 3 hours since the operation and she hadn't even blinked. He again sat in the chair by her bed and held one of her fragile hands in his own. He looked at the beautiful angel lying before him and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear.  

"Oh Cordy. I can't stand this. You're everything to me. I need you. I'm nothing without you. You need to come back. Nothing will ever be the same without you. Who's going to scold me about wearing nothing but black everyday? Or that I never can crush a bunch of coffee beans with my bare hands? Who's going to keep my head leveled when I get another sudden Epiphany? Who's going to make sure I get out of my 'Mr. Broody' stage and learn to have 'fun'? Who's going to be there to make me smile when I'm down and don't want to? Who's going to redo all the filing when I file the cases under the wrong letter? Who's going to make my coffee every morning, which by the way, you make wonderfully? You see? I can't do this without you. Please, come back to me I…"

Suddenly Cordelia went into another uncontrollable seizure. 

"What's…?" Angel tried to keep her steady as her whole body began to shake violently. Arms, legs and body shaking as it hit her with full force. Her heart monitor indicated that her heart was racing above normal and her blood pressure continued to rise. She again developed a fever and was sweating furiously, hair plastered to her soaked face. Nurses and Doctors heard her monitor and rushed in to help. 

"I'm sorry sir but were going to have to ask you to either step back or leave." Cordelia continued to shake as they tried to apply cool water cloths on her head and inject some medication that would help slow down the seizures. 

Angel stepped back and watched as they continued to try and restrain her from her violent shaking. Finally as Cordelia began to stop shacking and when everything seemed to be back to normal, the unexpected happened.

Her heart completely stopped. 

The line on the heart monitor went completely straight. Nurses and Doctors again began to assist her, shocking her heart and doing CPR trying to revive her. After a good number of shocks and CPR attempts it was all done. 

There was nothing left they could do. 

"Time of death? …8:36am." 

One of the doctors covered up the lifeless body. Angel stood back away from it all and watched as they unhooked all the machines from her body. He was completely numb. Nothing in his body giving any sign of felling or movement. The doctor passed by and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I'm terribly sorry. We did all we could." The doctor left Angel and the now deceased Cordelia alone. 

Angel hadn't moved from the position he was in. Having no feeling in his entire body as he just continued to stare at the lifeless body before him. Realization hadn't settled in as he ran to her, ripping the sheet away and began to shake her fragile body. Wesley, Buffy and the gang ran into the room finding a very grief-stricken Angel shaking a lifeless body. 

"Cordelia! Come on Cordy…wake up. Don't leave me…Cordy…I need you. Cordy! Cordy! Please…Please!" Angel lowered his head as he cried now realizing that she was never coming back to him. He cried uncontrollably for the first time in all his 250 plus years. For the fist time he actually felt fear. Fear of a life without the woman that he had grown to love and care about. He looked down at the pale body in front of him and remembered the very words she had said as a request to him.

"Please, Don't Leave Me."

How ironic that he would be here speaking those same words with the utmost meaning from his broken heart.  He had lost the one thing that made his journey toward redemption worth living for. He had lost the one thing that he had realized mattered to him more then anything the world could ever provide. He had now lost both of the most important people in his life that had showed him how to really live.     

The others stood back grieving at the lost of their friend. Buffy sobbed quietly in the arms of Spike as he gently stroked her hair as his own tears forced to surface. 

Dawn and Willow cried in the arms of Wesley as he watched through moist eyes at the loss of one of his true family members. 

Anya sobbed as she finally realized what it was to loose a dear friend next to Joyce. 

Xander held her realizing all the things he had said and done and would never be able to atone for them because of his insecure actions. Buffy peeled from Spike's arms as she quietly walked to Angel and quietly laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could say at the moment.

"I can't believe she's really gone. She had her whole life ahead of her and she sacrificed it for others and because of my imbecility. Now she will never know how much I really love her or how much she really meant to me." Buffy proved him wrong.

"I think she does. Although she's not here I think she knows just how much you love and care about her and I also know she didn't leave us without putting up a good fight. She's a very surprising person and she left knowing that she's deeply loved and will always be remembered. And don't blame yourself because of her death but honor her by continuing to live and help others. She would have wanted you to." Angel looked up at her and she gave him her strongest smile.

Buffy, amazingly, spoke wisely beyond her years and he knew she was right. But he couldn't help but feel that Cordelia's death was his fault. If he hadn't been so self-centered she wouldn't be lying here before him like this. 

Angel lightly brushed a kiss on her cool lips. The no longer soft feel that he was expecting was now hard and numb. It felt awkward, almost surreal, to feel cold on cold. Something that he had never hoped to feel with Cordelia. He had always loved to be near her because of the warmth that always radiated from her body. The feel of her skin against his cold one was perfect bliss. He took one last look at her, recovered her with the white hospital sheet and left, feeling a part of him was being left behind.

******************************************************************         

_"I didn't expect it to end up this way."_

_"Neither did I, but he had to learn. You knew his consequences would be great and this is the burden he must carry." _The woman sighed. She didn't mean for it to end up like this but it looked like not even with the powers she possessed could neither she nor the man beside her control what had happened.

_"He'll be by asking about what happened won't he?" _the man knew that when their warrior had questions he always turned to them for answers.

_"I imagine so but, of course, we can only inform him on what he's only to know. He will ask questions and demand measures be taken but we can only do but so much."_

******************************************************************

Wesley drove, seeing that Angel was back to 'Mr. Dead' again, everyone back to the Hyperion. They all were worn out from the day's activity. Angel had suggested they all stay at the hotel so they could all attend Cordelia's funeral. He called Fred, Gunn, who were on vacation together, and Connor, who was away at college, and told them the news. They arrived at the hotel within next few hours. They showed their deepest sympathy and mourned for the lost of their friend and mother. 

Angel had locked himself in his office and not come out since they had arrived. And that was over 5 hours ago. Fred, Gunn and Connor had introduced themselves to the Scoobies to pass the time. Dawn, now officially knowing him, went over to Connor and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Why don't you go and talk to your father, Connor?"

"He doesn't like to talk when he's in 'full brood mode' as Mom would call it. Not even she could get him out of it." Connor had gotten used to calling Cordelia his mother, her being around all the time and never really knowing any other type of mother. He liked Cordelia and wished he could have at least seen her one last time. But Angel had said she wasn't herself and that it was best that he saw her the way she truly was. He missed her a lot. Dawn brought him back from his thoughts.

"Just try and talk to him." Dawn gave him a famous Summers smile and Connor had to admit, she was a very beautiful woman. Dawn, as well, thought Connor was attractive. No wonder he was Angel's son. Talk about Hot! 

Dawn shook her head of her thoughts and pushed Connor toward Angel's office. Connor looked through the window of the door and saw his father sitting hunched over in his chair staring at a picture. He slowly opened the door and quietly closed it behind him. He walked hesitantly to his desk and looked the picture he was staring at. It was a picture of him and Cordelia at the ballet they had went to together with Fred, Gunn and Wesley.

"Dad?" 

Angel didn't budge.

"Dad, I know how you feel…well to a certain extent…and I miss Mom too but you can't lock yourself in this office forever."

Still no movement.

"Mom wouldn't want you to brood around like this and you know it."

Nothing.

"Fine! Stay in here! You're so stubborn! But I don't see why you just can't go to the Powers and…"

That caught Angel's attention. He shot his head up and stared at his only son.

"What?" Connor stepped back afraid of the look in his father's eyes, cold, dark and emotionless. Angel stood up and walked over to him.

"What did you say?" 

"I…I said…why…don't you just…just go…to…the Powers?" Connor was scared. Although his father had taught him everything he knew and he knew that he could take out any vampire that crossed him, he still feared his father because well…it was his father!

"That's a good idea. I'll go see the Powers and maybe they can explain what the hell is going on and how to bring Cordy back. Thanks son!" Angel exited his office and left a very baffled Connor behind.

"What just happened?" he asked himself very confused. He just shrugged it off and followed his father out into the lobby. His father could be a very weird person at times and he still wondered why is Mom put up with him when she did. 

Angel had explained to them what he had in mind but, of course, Fred thought other wise.

"Wait. I don't think that such a good idea…I mean can they really do that? Isn't it against their laws? When I was in Pylea…"

"Fred, baby…let it go." Gunn knew that once she talked about her times in Pylea there was no stopping her. She was like the energizer bunny on steroids.

"So…what's the plan, dog?"

"I really don't need you guys. Just stay here and pray all goes well."

"Well then, see you do need us. You need us to pray all goes well so…"

"DAWN!"

"WHAT?"

"Just shut the hell up." Buffy was really going to kill her sister.  Maybe this was good time to talk to her about her stupid remarks. Was she ever like this when she was young? Boy, did she hope not. Connor laughed, he thought it was funny.

"What are you laughing at vamp boy?"

"Nothing." 

Angel proceeded to open the portal to the higher realm, with Wesley's help, and a door like image appeared right in the middle of the hotel lobby. Everyone was astonished. Believe you me they all had probably traveled to their own dimension one way or another. 

Well…except for Xander, his life was pretty boring.

Angel stepped into the portal and left his friends behind in the Hyperion hotel. The Scoobies were amazed. Fred, Gunn, Wesley and Connor just prayed that everything went as planned.

****************************************************************** 

Angel entered the 'higher realm', adjusting his eyes at the lustrous lights that struck him. He blinked once or twice and focused on his surroundings. He never knew how Cordelia could stand being in a place like this for so long. 

He would have probably staked himself.  

Angel stepped forward and strained his eyes as two ghostly images came into focus. They stood before him, high and mighty.

_"What is your proposition warrior?" _asked the woman rigorously. __

"I'm here to seek your guidance." 

_"Why?"_

"Well, you should know that. Don't you see all?"

_"Watch your tongue lower being."_ Angel bowed his head.

"Utmost apologies." 

_"Accepted."_

_"Yes, we do see all and we do know what has happened in the last 48 hours." _Said the man just as strictly. Angel lifted his head once again to meet their ghostly eyes.

"So you can tell me what's going on?"

_"Yes but your heart comes with more then just questions but also demands._

"Yeah…we'll get back to that."

_"You want to know why you were given back your humanity then taken away?"_

"Yes." 

Now it was the woman's turn to answer.

_"What you experienced was a brief aspect of what your humanity was like. Furthermore, you were being tested."_

"Tested…tested for what?"

_"The 'Powers That Be' wanted to analysis the effects and decisions you would make if you achieved this specific goal. They wanted to know whether or not you could uphold the responsibility of being human and still be considered a warrior. They wanted to know how well you used your mind and soul and where your heart laid."_

"Cordelia…" 

_"Yes and to our observation you failed the test. She was your seer and your mind-binding link to the Powers That Be and you cast her behind you. You were too indulged in your past to…"_ spoke the man yet being interrupted by Angel.

"…see my future standing before me, I know."

_"You have made ungratifying decisions and have consequences to accept as an effect to those decisions."_

"I understand…

_"…but you want to ask a favor of us?"_

" Yes…can you please give me back my seer?" 

Again the woman answered his question.

_"I'm sorry but that cannot be done."_

"Why?!"

_"Because it is not in our power to bring back the dead."_

"Is there anything you can do? I love her and I'm nothing without her."

_"I'm sorry but we have spoken. Nothing, not even love, can bring back what is lost." _

_"Is that all?" _Angel nodded, accepting his consequences.

_"Then begone." With one swift move of their hands, the two figures sent Angel back to his dimension._

******************************************************************

Everyone had been talking amongst each other when a bright light formed and out flew Angel. They crowded around him anticipating hopeful news. Wesley helped him up off the ground.

"Not one of your best landing huh?"

"I've had better." Angel rubbed his butt. 

Oh yeah that'll leave a mark…well, for a while.

"So, what did they say?" asked Buffy. Angel lowered his head. He didn't want to tell them that he couldn't brig Cordelia back. He couldn't tell them that it was all a test and because of him Cordelia was dead. He couldn't tell them that he would probably never reach his shanshu permanently. 

But he had to.

"It was a test."

"What?" 

"It was all a test. They were testing me to see if I could make the right decisions once I reached my shanshu and apparently I didn't make them."

"So this means that you won't get your humanity back?" asked Fred.

"I will but not for a *LONG* time."

"What…what about Mom, Dad?" Angel laid a gentle on his son's shoulder.

"I'm sorry son but they wouldn't bring her back. They say they can't."

Connor lowered his head. He had always had faith that the Powers would always pull through and make things better. He had always believed that they had the power to control anything. He had always believed because his Mom was one of them that they would always protect her.

He was wrong.

"So what do we do now?"

Angel walked over to and looked at the desk that was once hers. He sat in her chair and if he closed his, he could smell her sweet scent still lingering. He opened one of the drawers and found all of the magazines she kept stored to keep her occupied when bored. He thought back to one of the incidences involving a magazine and some flirting.

**~Flashback~**

Angel looked over Cordelia's shoulder at the article in the Cosmopolitan magazine she was reading.

"25 different positions to explore when in bed with your partner." Cordelia jumped back frightened and slapped him on the arm by his sudden appearance.

"Don't scare me like that Angel. You want me to get wrinkles?"

"Yeah like that's likely. Your face is too beautiful." Cordelia was shocked at the sudden compliment. He never had said anything like that before. Maybe he was just flirting. 

Well two can play at that game.

"Beautiful huh?"

"So…25 different positions to explore when in bed with your partner, eh? Who's the lucky partner?"

"I haven't decided yet. It could be anyone…" Cordelia got up from her chair but not before kissing him lightly on the cheek and tapping him lightly on the nose. 

"Maybe even you Angel." She seductively swayed her way to the door and walked out slamming the door behind her. Angel stood there dumbfounded. 

Was she really serious? 

Cordelia watched Angel's expression from outside his office. She walked away smiling to herself. 

Cordelia Chase still had it.

**~End Of Flashback~**

Angel smiled at the memory. He missed her but he knew she wouldn't want them to give up on anything just because of her. She would always have a special place in their hearts and she would be missed greatly. So, he knew what he had to do, what they all had to do.

Move on.

******************************************************************

Tell me what ya think. Thanks again Corinne for everything. Peaceout! ~Michele~


	5. Epilogue

**Title:** Please, Don't Leave Me 

**Rating: **PG-13

**Author:** Michele           

**E-mail:** WP82787@aol.com****

**Couples:** Cordelia/Angel,   
**Feedback:** Yes please! Much needed!  
**Disclaimer:** Angel and crew belong to the magnificent Joss Whedon and company. Nothing is mine, just my imagination. *g*      

******************************************************************

**Epilogue (Angel's POV)**

******************************************************************

I stand here, staring at the engraved letters and numbers of a very special person who died one year ago today. I set the flowers on her gravestone, which is in white marble carved in a perfect arch.

Cordelia Chase

1981 – 2006

Beloved Friend and Mother

She sacrificed everything

To save others

I can still feel her presence. It surrounds me and gives me strength when I think I can't go on. I swear I can still see her beautiful face sitting at her desk, smiling brightly, as the gang and I talk about meaningless nonsense. I can feel her wrap her arms around me when I wake up from a nightmare about how she left me.

She's always there even though I can't see her.

I kneel at her grave and talk to her as if she could here me.

"Fred and Gunn have come back to work and Connor started to go to college here in L.A. He wanted to keep an eye on me. Make sure I don't get into any trouble.

That's my boy just like his Mom. The Scoobies are doing well. They sent us a signed card by everyone, even Spike, of sympathy today. They still think about you. You were a very special person. There is and well never be anyone like you, you know that? I miss you so much and I can't help but think of all the things I never got to tell you. Please forgive me." 

I stare down and run my cold fingertips over the engraved writing. I promised myself I would never forget and always come and visit her. She deserves that much.

We've pretty much moved on but never stop without thinking about her. She will always remain a part of us no matter what.

Her belongings still remain where they are except for her apartment. We moved those things to the hotel. We invited Dennis to come and stay with us and he accepted thinking Cordy would have wanted it that way. He misses her too.

"Come on Dad. Lets go." My son calls to me from the car. We both came here to see her but that was 2 hours ago. Connor seemed to be getting a little restless so I think it's time to go. 

With one last goodbye, I brush my lips lightly against the top of her grave and rise to my feet. 

"I love you Cordy." I turn to leave and get back into my car. With one last look, my son and I drive away to return to the lives she wanted us to continue. But not a day goes by do I not think of the words she spoke to me before I made the biggest mistake of my life.

"Please, Don't Leave Me."

How ironic is that?

******************************************************************

_"Angel, are you trying to say you love me?"_

_"What?"_

_"I love you too."_

_"You do…?"_

_– Cordelia and Angel in 'Offspring'_

******************************************************************

Soooo? What did you think? I tried my best and I worked a long time on it. No you get why the title is what it is? Cool huh? Well, let me know hat you think and I hope to continue to write more stories and get better at it. Thanks again Corinne for your support and suggestions! Peaceout! ~Michele~


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